Music Helps Alleviate My Gender Dysphoria

When I’m feeling gender dysphoria, music takes me away to another universe.

When I was four years old, I went to my mom and told her that something was wrong. I didn’t feel like a boy. The year was 1976. Like most parents back in those days faced with something like this, they did nothing about it. Ignore it and maybe it’ll go away. I have no memory of bringing it up to them again. I was suffering inside.

A few years later at the elementary school that I went to, we had music class. I absolutely loved this music class and my teacher, Mrs. MacNamara. She noticed that I had a natural ability to play all of the musical instruments in the classroom with ease.

She had me stay after class one day and play every musical instrument she could get her hands on. She showed me how to sing major and minor scales in unison with the piano, and I learned quickly. She seemed very excited!

When parent teacher conferences came up, Mrs. MacNamara made it a point to tell my parents that I had a natural talent for playing musical instruments. My parents smiled and said “oh, that’s nice.” Mrs. MacNamara tried to explain to them that this was something they needed to nurture. Again, my parents did nothing about it.

Mrs. MacNamara gave the class a homework assignment where we had to come up with an original song and record it onto a small hand held tape recorder, using whatever instruments we had at home or needed to borrow from the classroom.

At home, my family had an old electric organ with an auto accompaniment feature on it. Drums, bass, organ, and other various keyboard sounds on it.

Using the electric organ, I put on a rock beat backing track while playing the keyboard, and singing a simple melody. I can’t remember what lyrics I came up with, but it was a very simple tune.

The next day, I played the tape of the song I had made for Mrs. MacNamara, and she cried. She was so happy! I thought that my song kinda sucked, but I was glad she liked it. I’m pretty sure that she believed I would have a successful future in the music industry some day.

Going into my last year at that elementary school, Mrs. MacNamara got pregnant and left the school. The new music teacher was just…

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