The Day I Met an Ancestor

Written by Kristine MacKain, Ph.D

The last few weeks before our mother died, she started “seeing” deceased relatives and friends. Most of the “visitors” were individuals she had known and loved. Our mother talked about these “appearances” with her caretaker, Sandy, and then Sandy shared them with my sister Karen and me via text or video clips. (Karen had installed a home camera and recorder to ensure our mother’s safety as she declined into dementia).

Though Sandy’s reports of “visitors” were surprising, Karen and I were already familiar with end-of-life “visions” or visitations. We both had been reading books by hospice professionals so that we would know what to expect and how to prepare during our mother’s final months. Though our purpose in reading was to seek information on physical changes (rather than nonphysical, “spiritual” ones), we had noted with interest patients’ reports of “visions” of their deceased families and friends.

During our mother’s last month of life in southern California, a man began to appear to her almost every day. She never named him but expressed deep comfort and longing while in his presence. Our mom described him to Sandy as elderly, tall, and wearing a sport coat, tie, and white shirt. He didn’t speak but, rather, stood silently before her.

Sandy remarked with interest the week he first appeared that this gentleman appeared, in the same way, every day, wearing the same clothes. Karen asked me if I knew who it was, and I said, without hesitation:

“That’s her grandfather!” I remembered that our mother described him as refined, saying he always dressed formally, even when he gardened.

In her early childhood, our mother’s parents had marital problems, so they sent her to live with her grandparents. She always expressed deep affection for them.

On almost every occasion, upon seeing her grandfather, our mom asked Sandy, “Can I go with him? I want to go home with him.”

The following week a different visitor also “appeared” who seemed much younger. As our mother looked upward into the corner of the kitchen from her seat at the kitchen table, her facial expression became transfixed in awe.

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