My Ex was a Covert Narcissist. This is What it Was Like.

There are overt and covert narcissists. The overt ones are easy to spot, but the covert ones not so much. Know the signs so you don't make the mistakes I made.

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I Promise.

Someone I consider to be one of my best friends recently told me a characteristic about myself that kind of surprised me.

She told me that many of my views came from a place of self-preservation and that I was always looking out for myself before anything else.

After she said this I went to the gym and I sat there on the bench for an hour just thinking about her observation of me.

I was a bit hurt, but she was right.

I’ve always approached life from the optimistic perspective that I was the master of my own destiny.

That I had control of how I lived life and that whenever something made me angry or had a negative affect on my life, I’d simply drop it.

As I sat on this bench I was forced to have a heart-to-heart with myself, and I tried to figure out why it was that I thought this way.

The more I sat there the more I began to realize how I’d become like this.

First, it’s important that you understand where I come from.

I am the oldest of six in my family.

I am the first in my family to go to college and get a Bachelor’s degree.

I am the first in my family to have a career not just a job.

I am the first in my family to live the dreams that my parents work their asses off everyday for me and my siblings to achieve.

I have accomplished some amazing things thanks to the sacrifices my parents have made.

But at the end of my junior year of college I completely fucked up and got dropped from the University of Washington.

I was hit with a hard truth.

My life was not my own.

Of course my parents were angry, but what hurt me more was how much I’d disappointed them.

I started to reflect on how much I had strayed from my morals, goals, dreams, ambitions, and religion.

The reality was that I had forgotten why I was in college.

I had forgotten that I was a role model for all my younger siblings.

I had forgotten how much my family had struggled for me to get to where I was.

I had forgotten where I came from.

So I made a promise to myself I would never let anything get in my way again.

I stopped using all forms of social media and focused solely on getting my degree and allowed nothing to get in my way.

I cut almost everyone out of my life and spent all my time in libraries or coffee shops constantly working.

Two years later I graduated from the University of Washington with a BA in Mathematics and a double minor in Applied Mathematics and Diversity.

Two week after graduating I was enrolled in a coding bootcamp called Code Fellows and begin learning how to program.

Nine months later I was accepted into the Microsoft LEAP program, and for the first time in my life I was making much more than minimum wage.

Although my friends and family were proud of me, I still continued to stay to myself and work.

In those years I had forgotten how to be human.

I based almost everything on logic and nothing on emotion.

I spent so long thinking that having emotions made me weak, that I started to believe it.

This was my ‘illusion of truth’.

As I reflect on my current life I realize that the promise I made to myself a few years ago might have made sense then, but that now it’s causing me more harm than good.

So today I’m making new promises to myself.

I promise to use social media as a way of documenting my life in hopes of someday being able to look back at all the things I’ve accomplished as well as all the things I’ve failed at.

I promise to stop focusing so much on where I want to be that I forget to acknowledge where I’m at.

I promise to not have my career completely hult my personal and social life.

I promise to no longer distance myself from things that don’t affect me.

I promise to be give more back to my community.

I promise to pursue my love of teaching.

I promise to be more empathetic.

I promise to be better.

Thank you HF.

My Ex was a Covert Narcissist. This is What it Was Like.

I Promise.

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