Pain

I will always be hurt, but I finally managed to bury it deep inside me. It’s like I put it all in a box. This box sometimes cracks open though, scraps of memories try to come out and make my heart bleed again. But I fight them, I close my eyes and I use all the strength I have to put them back into that box and seal it off. In the last three months, my whole being has been full of pain. I felt like I had it on my skin and in my bones, in my mind, and in my soul. It has been physical. Heartbreak is chest pain, stomach ache, head heaviness, troubled breathing and tears. It has been psychological too. Heartbreak is feeling anxious, is numbness, is feeling lost, is anger and fear. Heartbreak paralyzes your body and mind, and then it tortures them with pain. The body and mind have no other choice but to stay still and feel all the pain. They have no escape, nowhere to go. They are drowned in pain, the pain is everywhere. It is the only thing you feel for days and weeks and months, every day. Every minute I was awake pain accompanied me, I had it within myself.

Somehow I put it in that box and I am patching it every time I sense a crack. I keep it so deep inside me that you can barely see it, but I know it’s there.

I pray to heal quickly, so I’ll be finally immune in case it gets out. I pray to stop feeling, so I’ll be finally over you in case you come back.

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